Dating Dilemma: To Talk or Not to Talk

I recently spoke with a woman in her late 20's whose boyfriend of over a year moved to another country to pursue a career for an indefinite amount of time.  He was supposed to come back to the States a month ago to be with her, but decided to stay on overseas a bit longer.

She told me that she wasn't sure if she should stick with the guy since he left.  She isn't sure if he will ever want to be married or have kids.  He professes his love to her often.  The problem is that she read his journal and he wrote that he wasn't all that into her and wasn't sure that he would want her to move overseas to be with him.  Yikes!

My advice to her:

1.  I write a lot of things in my journal and later change my mind, so it doesn't necessarily mean anything.  

2.  She should talk to him.  Not to give him an ultimatum, but because they have been together for awhile.  She doesn't even know if he wants to have kids or get married some day.  So she could approach it in a practical way and tell him she just wants to know what he wants in a relationship.  Perhaps his staying there IS the answer to her questions.  But open communication is the best way to have a meaningful relationship. 

She is concerned about being alone when she is 33.  I don't know why that is the cutoff age for her.  33 is young!  But if it is a concern, then she shouldn't waste her time with a guy who won't want to marry her.  

If it were early in the relationship I would tell her to relax and enjoy it.  But she has invested enough time already that she deserves some answers. 

Most importantly, she shouldn't have read his journal.  That shows that there is a communication gap.  Talk to the guy!

What would you have told her? 

Dating Tip # 1: Who Should Pay Revisited....

Okay.  I know I already posted about this issue.  But my friend told me a dinner date "who should pay" horror story.  Well.  It's not that bad.  But if this dude wanted to get anywhere with this gal he made a poor choice.

Here is the dating tale of terror . . .

My friend goes on a date with a guy.  He shows her pictures of his Mercedes (the dude has money).  She is an art teacher so doesn't have a huge salary.  He orders a bunch of appetizers, sake,  expensive sushi.   More sake.  At the end of the date he says, "You wanna split this one?" What the?  She ended up having to pay $60 which is a hefty fee for someone who wasn't planning on paying.  She didn't even eat very much.   

There are some lessons in this fellas: 

Lesson 1: if you want to impress an artsy lady on a date, be sure to tell her you want to split the bill at the beginning.  AT LEAST.  Although offering to pay will go a long way.  

Lesson 2: Whether you like it or not, women talk.  Once she tells her friends a story like this it is OVER for you!  The friends will concur that the guy is clueless and not worth the effort.   She told me the story didn't she?  And look.  Now its on the web....

Some of my favorite listings

I'm going to share some of my favorite sites for NYC event listings to help y'all in the search for a date or for a place to take that special someone.  There are a lot of event listings for New York.  But these are some of my favorites....

FOR GALLERY OPENINGS GO TO:

1. Douglas Kelley Show List 

2. Zing Magazine Recs

3. ArtCat

4. ArtCards

FOR GENERAL EVENT LISTINGS TRY:

1. FreeNYC.net

2. The Printup

3. Flavorpill

4. Going

MUSIC LISTINGS:

1. Ohmyrockness (There is a link on the right of the page to FREE shows)

Brooke Recommends...

Wondering where to take your Artsy lady on a date this weekend?  Or perhaps you want to meet some artsy ladies....Check out Poprally at MoMA this Saturday.  Here is the link.  Be sure to scroll down to the bottom of the page.

Click here for more info: PopRally

The Results Are In: First Class is a Success!

I held the first class and got some great reviews!  There were 8 guys and 8 ladies in attendance. I've had a lot of requests for a 2nd class so stay tuned!

Here are some of the reviews from participants:

From some of the guys:

-Thanks for the class. I appreciate you letting me participate and I enjoyed it very much. You have identified a good niche! Great job

--I thought you did very well.  The presentation was well organized and informative.

From the Ladies:

--I didn't think this would be fun, but you were such a good trainer for these boys. I had great speed dates.

--Thank you so much for putting this event together, it was so much fun...seriously fun times a million.

--Thanks again for the fun time last night—I think the event was a success, no? I had a great time with your lady friends as well.

--I really enjoyed myself last night -- thanks again for putting everything together! I met some nice guys

--Thanks that was really fun!

--You did an AMAZING job!! 

I found this article on "HOW TO DRESS LIKE AN ARTIST" and got a good chuckle. The skinny jeans are right. And so is the part about the Neitzsche book. That's about it though. I especially like that the difficulty level for this is listed as "Moderate".

How to Dress Like an Artist

by eHow Arts & Entertainment Editor

Introduction

Being an artist wanna-be is not a bad thing, but you must learn to dress the role if you are going to fool anyone. It doesn't mean you have to start smoking or talking about the latest art exhibit. Here is how to start dressing the dress of an artist.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Steps

1

Step One

Wear a tweed jacket to dress like an artist. It can be worn by both men and women, and the suede elbow patches are not necessary.

2

Step Two

Put on a pair of skinny jeans. These are essential in black and dark denim for anyone who wants to dress like an artist.

3

Step Three

Add long black skirts to your wardrobe. A female artist has at least 2 in her closet, and she wears them often.

4

Step Four

Carry a tote bag that is big enough to store all of your artistic necessities. A Neitzsche book and a magazine about paintings or writing are a good bet for anyone who wants to dress like an artist and carry the right accessories.

5

Step Five

Walk in pointy-toed shoes. This goes for any man or woman who wants to dress like an artist. The rounded toe is just not going to cut it in the artsy realm.

6

Step Six

Look at the world through chunky glasses. The artistic flare should be prevalent, so go with frames that are squarish and brightly colored.

7

Step Seven

Go to the nearest artists' markets for jewelry. Buy lots of beaded necklaces, but make sure they don't have too much of an ethnic flare. Plain, solid colored beads are best.

Find this article at: http://www.ehow.com/how_2239584_dress-like-artist.html

I Am Not A Madame

I told one of the art handlers at the gallery where I work about my attempt to set up professional men with some of my girlfriends who work in the arts.  In case you don't know, art handlers are the ones who hang the art for exhibitions and that pack works for safe shipping.

So anyway.  I told him about the course I'm teaching and his response was to tell me that I'm evil.  He said artsy girls are his girls and that I'm stealing them away from artsy guys like himself.  He also used the word, "Madame."  I am not a Madame!  I am not selling off women for sexual favors.  I merely provide opportunities to meet possible matches.  I set-up the a situation such as class, and it is up to both the men and women to take it from there.  I prefer the term "Yenta".

I do feel his pain in regards to increasing the competition for women in the arts.  However,  I reminded him that I have invited him to many parties to meet some of my friends and he has declined.  So its not my fault if he's not taking advantage of the situation!  

It's On! A Course on Meeting Artsy Women!

The Art of Meeting Women: A Crash Course on How to Capitalize on Undiscovered Dating Markets in the Arts

Followed by a round of SPEED DATING with real artsy women!

TOPICS COVERED:

1. Where to meet hot, artsy women

2. How to "behave" at an arts event

3. The secret of how to approach and win over these women

4. How to become conversant in art and impress artsy girls

5. Where to take one of these ladies on a date once you get the number

6. Where and how to buy affordable art for your apartment that appeals to women

DETAILS:

Who: Men age 23-35

Date: Tuesday May 5th, 2009

Time: 7:30-9:30 PM (1 hour course followed by 1 hour of speed dating)

Location: 199 Water St., 11th Fl. on the corner of Water and Fulton Street

Cost: $75.00 ($65 if you bring a friend!)

RSVP (required for entry to building): brookyl@hotmail.com

Website: www.datingisanart.blogspot.com

About the Instructor:

Brooke has worked for two years in a New York Art Gallery in Chelsea. She has a Master of Arts in Visual Arts Administration from New York University.  She knows the secrets to winning the heart of the Artsy Girl because she happens to be one herself! She also understands the male perspective since she survived growing up with 3 older brothers.

Dating Tip #1: Who Should Pay?

A guy-friend asked me how to handle paying for a date since a woman could get offended if he assumes that he pays because he is the guy. He said he can never determine if he should pay or if his date would get offended.  I have never heard a woman say she doesn't enjoy getting treated to a nice date once in awhile.  Chances are if it bothers her she will try to pick-up the bill, or suggest splitting the check anyway.   If she says she WANTS to split the bill she means it.  If she ASKS if you are splitting the bill, chances are she would like you to pick it up.

However, if you are really concerned my suggestion is simple...be honest.  When the check comes you might say something along the lines of, "I've really enjoyed your company tonight.  I'd really like to treat you this time around.  But, if that bothers you I'd be happy to split the bill."  If she is the type of woman who likes to pay for herself, she'll be impressed that you gave her a chance to express her wishes and that you aren't imposing gender roles on her.   Whatever she decides, go with it and drop the subject.  Don't make it into a big deal.   

Secret #1: She Works Hard For Her Money

So every few days I'm going to share a little known secret about the Artsy Girl.  A secret to win her heart...

Many women who work in the arts work long hours for not enough pay.  Especially if they are just starting out in the field.   And often they are under-appreciated.  Think, "Devil Wears Prada" if you've seen it.  This is a common complaint among many of my friends.  (Just to clarify, I am not saying this about my work situation.)  

So when you've been dating an artsy girl for awhile, and you see her after a day of work and she says, "No one appreciates me," she needs to hear some genuine encouragement.  Maybe something like, "They don't know what they've got."  Or try, "You are way too smart to be working there."  And there is the, "They wouldn't know what to do if you left".  Chances are she's heard a lot of criticism that day, so give her lots of compliments.  Then kiss her and tell her how irresistible she is.  Works like a charm... 

Numbers Game?

(Click on this image to enlarge)

National Geographic published a map that shows the gap in numbers between single men and women all across the US in 2007.

This map shows that the largest disparity between men and women exists in New York City. The east coast in general favors men. 

Whether or not you believe that odds have anything to do with finding love, you have to admit that it can make a difference in the number of quality people that are available to you.  When there are more women than men, guys are definitely at an advantage.  Especially when there are almost 200,000 more women than men.  Realizing this is the first step in taking advantage of the odds.   As much as I hate to point it out to the guys, I hope it will benefit those guys looking for something more than a fling.  

The situation is the same in the arts--there are ALOT more women than men in these organizations.  Women are much more willing to consider men that they wouldn't normally give a chance to when the odds are against them.  And this can be good for men because women are often willing to give men a second chance, even if they aren't initially attracted IF you have a good personality or sometimes if they think you might be well-off (sad but true).  And meeting at a Museum or gallery will give you more of a chance to have a meaningful conversation with a woman so that she can get to know you on a deeper level. 

LA STORY: Example of Love in A Museum

LA Story is a great movie about finding love in a big city.  While LA and New York are obviously different, I think there are moments in this film that can resonate with anyone.  There are two scenes set in LA Museums in LA Story.  

The trailer to this film shows how Martin's character uses museums and culture to meet and woo the woman of his dreams.  There are two scenes in the film that are set in LA Museums. He literally runs into his leading lady while rollerskating through the LACMA.  Later he critiques abstract art at the Museum of Contemporary Art.

Take a look at the trailor....

Why Artsy Girls?

Why date an Artsy Girl?

1. You are tired of the bar/club scene

2. You don't have problems meeting women, but you do have difficulty meeting QUALITY women.

3. They work in a field dominated by women and gay men. The odds are in your favor.

4. Artsy girls get tired of "Artsy Type" guys at the end of the day.

5. These women are highly educated. They have masters from NYU, Columbia, Sotheby's, Christie's, etc.

6. You can take them to a work function and they will make YOU look good. These women are very good at relating to all types of people and will NOT embarrass you.

7. Galleries hire attractive women to appeal to clients--AKA they are attractive!

8. In my graduate program there were 50 women and one man. I often heard the ladies complain about their difficulty in finding good men. Tap that!

First Dates & Zombies: A KILLER Combination

I decided to do a little research and try an internet date.  I have to know every facet of the dating world in order to relate to my readers, right?

I decided to try plentyoffish.com because it was free.  Keep in mind this is the first time I tried this.  

I emailed this guy who looked cute.  He was tall.  Super smart.  Seemed like it could be fun.  After a few short emails he suggested we meet up.  Really?  How easy was that?  Perhaps I've found the dating goldmine!

We decided to meet up an art gallery.  Which was great for me--in familiar territory.  I get to shine a bit.  Which is why any artsy girl would love to meet a guy in her own "territory" so that she can show off a bit.

I don't want to tell too many details.  And I don't pretend that I was super well behaved.  But there were certain behaviors on his part that seem obvious, but could be vamped up a bit.

1.  Smile please!  Laugh at my jokes.  I'm not saying I am hilarious.  But it is nice when someone smiles back when they see you smiling.  

2.  Ask me about myself.  

3.  When I ask you questions, don't just stare at me.  Answer the question in detail and don't act secretive.

4.  Avoid discussing politics or assuming that the other person has similar politics as you.

5. Don't talk about how having a gun might be smart in the near future for when the zombies attack if you actually believe that this will happen.  Or explain a comment like this further.  This might scare girls off.  Especially if she asks, "Are you joking?" and your answer is "No".  I asked him if he meant that people will rise from the dead and he rolled his eyes and said ,"No.  I mean when the masses rise as things get worse with the economy".

Take what you wish from this example.  I'm just saying.  Alot of you guys have more to offer than you think.  There are some real characters in the art world.

What is a Wingwoman?

The term "Wingman" originated in the film "Top Gun".  It refers to the guy who backs-up the pilot.  A wingwoman can be even more valuable if she is truly there to help YOU get the girl. Finding such a friend is rare indeed.  

I found myself in the role of Wingwoman the other evening when I went out with two guy friends. One of they guys ended up meeting a girl and "hanging out" with her all night.  I left so I don't know how things turned out, but apparently he got home pretty late.

While I do have to give him his props, it didn't hurt that he showed up with another guy and a lady such as myself.  It made him look like less of a threat.  When I left it struck me that my being there certainly didn't hurt him, and that I've been playing this role all my life.   So why not share what I've learned with others and perhaps get something in return?

To read more about the term "Wingman" check out WIKIPEDIA.

What You Can Expect From This Blog

I will share the following in this blog:

1.  Where to meet hot, artsy women

2.  How to "behave" in an artsy setting

3.  Advice on how to approach and win over these women

4.  Where to take these women once you get the number

5.  How to become conversant in art and appeal to these ladies

6.  What kind of art to have in your apartment that will appeal to these women

Why Me?

Why am I qualified to write a blog on Art and Dating?

1.  I have a Masters in Visual Arts Administration from NYU

2.  I have worked at an Art Gallery in New York for more than two years

3.  I grew up with three brothers, so understand how men think

4.  I happen to be an artsy woman and know how women like myself think

5.  I worked in the Insurance industry for 2 years with 20 sales men so I understand business men

6.  I have dated ALOT and have had some pretty interesting experiences that I think both men and women can learn from

7.  I'm a natural matchmaker and Wing Woman

8.  I want to help people find happiness in dating!!!

Why This Blog?

Whenever I tell people that I want to teach professional men how to use the Arts as a way to meet quality women they ask were I came up with the idea.  I honestly don't know!  It was an organic process.  I have a lot of guy friends in business and I find myself often giving them advice on dating lives along with the art in their apartments.  So first I thought perhaps I should be an art advisor for single men.  Teaching them to think about the art in their apartment as a tool in their arsenal for meeting women.   These same friends also tell me about how they just can't seem to meet attractive, intelligent women.  So I tell them about all of the amazing single women I know working in galleries, museums, auction houses, etc.   I have also without any effort found myself being matchmaker among friends.  I do this by creating atmospheres where people can be themselves.  I think people should feel at home and boosted in social situations.  Basically I'm the ultimate Wing Woman!.  And thus, this blog was born. . .