Dating Dilemma: To Talk or Not to Talk

I recently spoke with a woman in her late 20's whose boyfriend of over a year moved to another country to pursue a career for an indefinite amount of time.  He was supposed to come back to the States a month ago to be with her, but decided to stay on overseas a bit longer.

She told me that she wasn't sure if she should stick with the guy since he left.  She isn't sure if he will ever want to be married or have kids.  He professes his love to her often.  The problem is that she read his journal and he wrote that he wasn't all that into her and wasn't sure that he would want her to move overseas to be with him.  Yikes!

My advice to her:

1.  I write a lot of things in my journal and later change my mind, so it doesn't necessarily mean anything.  

2.  She should talk to him.  Not to give him an ultimatum, but because they have been together for awhile.  She doesn't even know if he wants to have kids or get married some day.  So she could approach it in a practical way and tell him she just wants to know what he wants in a relationship.  Perhaps his staying there IS the answer to her questions.  But open communication is the best way to have a meaningful relationship. 

She is concerned about being alone when she is 33.  I don't know why that is the cutoff age for her.  33 is young!  But if it is a concern, then she shouldn't waste her time with a guy who won't want to marry her.  

If it were early in the relationship I would tell her to relax and enjoy it.  But she has invested enough time already that she deserves some answers. 

Most importantly, she shouldn't have read his journal.  That shows that there is a communication gap.  Talk to the guy!

What would you have told her? 

Dating Tip # 1: Who Should Pay Revisited....

Okay.  I know I already posted about this issue.  But my friend told me a dinner date "who should pay" horror story.  Well.  It's not that bad.  But if this dude wanted to get anywhere with this gal he made a poor choice.

Here is the dating tale of terror . . .

My friend goes on a date with a guy.  He shows her pictures of his Mercedes (the dude has money).  She is an art teacher so doesn't have a huge salary.  He orders a bunch of appetizers, sake,  expensive sushi.   More sake.  At the end of the date he says, "You wanna split this one?" What the?  She ended up having to pay $60 which is a hefty fee for someone who wasn't planning on paying.  She didn't even eat very much.   

There are some lessons in this fellas: 

Lesson 1: if you want to impress an artsy lady on a date, be sure to tell her you want to split the bill at the beginning.  AT LEAST.  Although offering to pay will go a long way.  

Lesson 2: Whether you like it or not, women talk.  Once she tells her friends a story like this it is OVER for you!  The friends will concur that the guy is clueless and not worth the effort.   She told me the story didn't she?  And look.  Now its on the web....

Some of my favorite listings

I'm going to share some of my favorite sites for NYC event listings to help y'all in the search for a date or for a place to take that special someone.  There are a lot of event listings for New York.  But these are some of my favorites....

FOR GALLERY OPENINGS GO TO:

1. Douglas Kelley Show List 

2. Zing Magazine Recs

3. ArtCat

4. ArtCards

FOR GENERAL EVENT LISTINGS TRY:

1. FreeNYC.net

2. The Printup

3. Flavorpill

4. Going

MUSIC LISTINGS:

1. Ohmyrockness (There is a link on the right of the page to FREE shows)

Brooke Recommends...

Wondering where to take your Artsy lady on a date this weekend?  Or perhaps you want to meet some artsy ladies....Check out Poprally at MoMA this Saturday.  Here is the link.  Be sure to scroll down to the bottom of the page.

Click here for more info: PopRally

The Results Are In: First Class is a Success!

I held the first class and got some great reviews!  There were 8 guys and 8 ladies in attendance. I've had a lot of requests for a 2nd class so stay tuned!

Here are some of the reviews from participants:

From some of the guys:

-Thanks for the class. I appreciate you letting me participate and I enjoyed it very much. You have identified a good niche! Great job

--I thought you did very well.  The presentation was well organized and informative.

From the Ladies:

--I didn't think this would be fun, but you were such a good trainer for these boys. I had great speed dates.

--Thank you so much for putting this event together, it was so much fun...seriously fun times a million.

--Thanks again for the fun time last night—I think the event was a success, no? I had a great time with your lady friends as well.

--I really enjoyed myself last night -- thanks again for putting everything together! I met some nice guys

--Thanks that was really fun!

--You did an AMAZING job!! 

I found this article on "HOW TO DRESS LIKE AN ARTIST" and got a good chuckle. The skinny jeans are right. And so is the part about the Neitzsche book. That's about it though. I especially like that the difficulty level for this is listed as "Moderate".

How to Dress Like an Artist

by eHow Arts & Entertainment Editor

Introduction

Being an artist wanna-be is not a bad thing, but you must learn to dress the role if you are going to fool anyone. It doesn't mean you have to start smoking or talking about the latest art exhibit. Here is how to start dressing the dress of an artist.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Steps

1

Step One

Wear a tweed jacket to dress like an artist. It can be worn by both men and women, and the suede elbow patches are not necessary.

2

Step Two

Put on a pair of skinny jeans. These are essential in black and dark denim for anyone who wants to dress like an artist.

3

Step Three

Add long black skirts to your wardrobe. A female artist has at least 2 in her closet, and she wears them often.

4

Step Four

Carry a tote bag that is big enough to store all of your artistic necessities. A Neitzsche book and a magazine about paintings or writing are a good bet for anyone who wants to dress like an artist and carry the right accessories.

5

Step Five

Walk in pointy-toed shoes. This goes for any man or woman who wants to dress like an artist. The rounded toe is just not going to cut it in the artsy realm.

6

Step Six

Look at the world through chunky glasses. The artistic flare should be prevalent, so go with frames that are squarish and brightly colored.

7

Step Seven

Go to the nearest artists' markets for jewelry. Buy lots of beaded necklaces, but make sure they don't have too much of an ethnic flare. Plain, solid colored beads are best.

Find this article at: http://www.ehow.com/how_2239584_dress-like-artist.html

I Am Not A Madame

I told one of the art handlers at the gallery where I work about my attempt to set up professional men with some of my girlfriends who work in the arts.  In case you don't know, art handlers are the ones who hang the art for exhibitions and that pack works for safe shipping.

So anyway.  I told him about the course I'm teaching and his response was to tell me that I'm evil.  He said artsy girls are his girls and that I'm stealing them away from artsy guys like himself.  He also used the word, "Madame."  I am not a Madame!  I am not selling off women for sexual favors.  I merely provide opportunities to meet possible matches.  I set-up the a situation such as class, and it is up to both the men and women to take it from there.  I prefer the term "Yenta".

I do feel his pain in regards to increasing the competition for women in the arts.  However,  I reminded him that I have invited him to many parties to meet some of my friends and he has declined.  So its not my fault if he's not taking advantage of the situation!